Wednesday, July 3, 2013


So Anaïs is talking about the importance of individual, independent growth now in my book. She keeps contrasting it with group action. Lots of passages about how and why people (particularly women) feel guilty about taking time for themselves, taking time to create, to think, to work out problems in therapy or discover new worlds. About how no useful group projects can happen until / unless each group member has this strong core built from solitary growth. Because there is no group growth, in her opinion.
This makes me think of a few things. One, what dynamic of groupishness is she reacting to? She keeps referring to such strong pressures in American culture to work in groups, & I've grown up only hearing about American individualist culture, unless you are talking about de Toqueville & Americans forming associations whereas Europeans just have a few powerful individuals. It kind of makes me think about Ayn Rand, and anti-communism, reactions against Red China, etc. 
Two, how happy I was to come home tonight and stay in. The immense array of options of THINGS TO DO and PEOPLE TO TALK TO is so exciting and on the one hand I don't want to miss a minute of it; being stuck inside with my stupid hair last night was giving me hives. But on the other hand, my brain is on Super Miracle-Gro 5000 and I need some space to back up & look at it all. I am someone who grows best through human interactions - observing people, listening to people, talking to people, talking to people about what I think about people I've observed & listening to what they say....and if in my regular life I get this at about a level 6 I am now at a level 9, and I don't want to miss anything through not processing the experience  even more than I don't want to miss it through not having the experience. So I'm wondering if I'm living what she's talking about - struggling to find a balance between independent growth and group solace from loneliness, between creativity and intimacy.

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