Monday, February 16, 2015


Crumpets are awesome.

I know a lot of people like scones, because they are everywhere. Any bakery you walk into will have scones. Even the bakery at Kroger. But I think of scones like I think of cake. Maybe it's good, maybe it's not so good, but the real question is, "why aren't you eating pie?"

So, why aren't you eating crumpets? If you eat more of them, it will be easier for me to get them.

Soft crumpets are gentle.

Toasted crumpets are crunchy.

The butter seeps into the holes to create fabulous pockets of sunshine calories that burst on your tongue.

Unlike english muffins, crumpets do not try to fight back by stabbing your mouthparts. And they don't have that weird taste - cornmeal? nutmeg? grody shortening? what is that english muffin aftertaste? ew.

Crumpets are just mild, yeasty, soft vehicles for lovely things. That sentence makes them sound like breasts, which I won't argue against.

Crumpets go great with:
strawberry butter
lemon curd
pots of tea
soft ripened cheeses
blackberries so you can pretend to be Peter Rabbit
Turkish honey but avoid the mad honey
JalapeƱo jelly
saag paneer when you run out of naan or don't want to pay extra for it and can't get the carryout place to substitute it for rice which you can clearly make yourself while you wait for the curry
hot smoked salmon which is better than lox
soft boiled eggs that Jamie makes for you and sets in egg-pants


things crumpets do not go great with:
people who are going to talk about scones while eating a crumpet
silk blouses

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